This week I’ve learnt the importance of taking 5.
A lot has happened since my last post in March and although I’ve attempted to continue posting on my Instagram page, my creativity, time and will to blog had run a little dry for a second. This post runs along similar lines to the previous.
I’ve had a huge change of employment, with my new job being intense, to say the least. Along with being totally different to anything I’d ever done before or anything I could ever imagine myself doing in my wildest dreams. It has also taken up the most part of my mental and physical energy, with the training itself lasting 3 months.
Whilst doing my utmost to soldier on, it became evident that in the midst of the debilitating stomach flare-ups and crippling anxiety I was finding myself totally drained.
It was suggested to me by a health worker that perhaps I should take a couple of weeks away. My initial reaction involved some internal screaming and frantic mental arithmetic – as of course this time away would be unpaid – but after the days passed I realised this break could be exactly what I needed.
I was honest with my GP about my heightened level of anxiety and was prescribed a new medication, whilst seeking the support of a new therapist. I’d got to a point where I was truly and utterly fed up with sitting up every night, sweating, mid-panic attack and marching myself off to work every day feeling like I could die at any given moment with the fear that I may or may not shit myself/ vomit at any given moment too. If you know, you know.
I’ve always been reluctant when it comes to taking prescribed medication but I have reached such a point of crisis and desperation, that this is very much a last resort for me. The latter would mean quitting the job and potentially spiralling into the abyss of depression and hopelessness. Oh the joys of being a sensitive, emotionally-aware millennial with an imagination that won’t quit. I’ve entered this chapter, particularly with regards to the medication, with the mindset of “this could change everything for me” but equally, “if it doesn’t work I’m sure something else will.” After all there are plenty of successful, functional people who live with these conditions daily, right?
A huge part of re-gaining a sense of perspective and re-enforcing a real sense of self-care back into my life during this period, has been to respond to that blog-writing yearn that I’ve been feeling for a few weeks now. So in these next few weeks where I’ll be getting accustomed to my new meds, hopefully getting acquainted with a new therapist and getting myself back to the gym, I’m really wanting to get back to the blog.
I’ve developed a real passion for cruelty-free beauty – if it weren’t already evident – and Ive also come to the realisation that I need to do more for myself. More to cultivate that creative voice, you know? Yep, you know. You relate. We’re creatures who need creative stimulation, whether we know it or not.
Moving forward, I need to drop the notion that I need to: first of all, appear in all blog pictures, and second of all, drop the notion that I have to look ‘instagrammable’ in the pictures that I do take. And nope, I could not hate that word any more. I love the writing, that’s why I’m here. I’ve always said that I want to create a page for like-minded people to enjoy reading, where I’m able to completely and metaphorically drown myself in my experience with a new mascara, for example. I’m that person who can write a biblically long ode to a bloody shampoo bar. So I guess this is the place for me? And if you’re the type of person who likes to read biblically long descriptions of shampoo bars, then it’s your place too. Welcome…
On this note, I’ll draw this post to a close.
Honestly, there’s no telling if, after this time away, I’ll feel better or worse about returning to my new high-intensity job, but I know that this has absolutely been the right decision for me at this time. I hope in the next few weeks that you’ll see a little more from me. Maybe I’ve even inspired you to take 5 for yourself, because guess what- the world can wait. In the name of your health, the world can always wait.