The living room has been hoovered along with the kitchen, handles on doors and light switches have been sanitised and polished, the dog has been groomed and taken out for a walk and I don’t think I can possibly postpone writing this post for much longer today before deciding against it all-together. It’s been round-about a year since I sat at this desk on this chair with the inspiration and motivation to write, and it’s not until this very second that I’ve been reminded how much I love and have missed it.
Initially I was in two minds about re-creating a new blog; whether to continue on with my previous blog because I’m honestly clueless when it comes to technology or whether to re-start a fresh, but as the months have progressed it became blindingly clear to me. Over this past year I’ve been through the mill; I never thought having to take time of work due to my mental health would teach me so very much. November of last year I found myself physically and mentally unable to go on, so I unwillingly made the decision to step away from my work in retail- which can be testing at the best of times, let alone when depression rears its ugly head. What I thought would be a couple of weeks away from work to focus and re-centre myself turned into a long 6 month ordeal where I experienced severe relapse with my mental state many times and in many ways. As difficult as it was, I had to make the decision to go back to work because I knew that’s what was best for me, but amidst all the chaos in those 6 months remained one constant- my instagram page.
During this time off I read a quote that changed my life, something along the lines of ‘not trying to focus on fixing the bad things, but letting the pile of good things grow’ and this is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past six months. My beautiful puppy Pepper has been an integral part of my recovery and healing, along with returning to work and other lifestyle changes and hopefully the recreation of this blog will also present great positive change too. I feel like this is such a healthy, realistic and achievable way to look at recovery that the mental image of this pile of good things in my life growing and blossoming, has changed my perspective ever since, and yes, Pepper is the reincarnation of me; big puppy eyes, sleeps all the time and will fight you for food.
In those difficult months where I was away from work my Instagram gave me a focus and a purpose, taking me away temporarily from the noise inside my own head. I always knew that one day I would pick back up on the blogging font, because how much can you express yourself within the caption of one image on Instagram? Plus I’ve always had a love for the written word. I wanted to re-name my blog and move away from such a fashion-focused demographic because for me it’s simple: there’s more to me as a person than writing about clothes and shoes (of course there’s nothing wrong with that- there are many people who undoubtably do it better than me and perhaps with more passion,) but the person I am today has experiences to share and so much more to be curious about compared to the 16 year-old me who stared writing about clothes in college as a means of documenting my personal style. Don’t get me wrong fashion, style and design is all an art and is still very important to me so of course I will still be writing about it but I’m looking forward to weaving my way in and out the vast scope of the ‘lifestyle’ umbrella. Let’s talk about feminism, mental health, cruelty-free products and question why there are so few sustainable fashion brands (no, Im NOT perfect I still shop on the high-street and yeah, let’s be honest ASOS meets all my needs- stylistically and emotionally) but I feel like as a human with a voice lucky enough to have a platform upon which to express all the above I may as well try to affect positive change, or at least point you in the right direction for the perfect winter boots!
*Update from future Ev: I have switched from Blogger to WordPress which, even for someone who is a terrible with technology as I am, is becoming seemingly easy to navigate, and I have enjoyed creating the next few posts so much!
Going back to what I was saying before- upon returning to work in May I went through a period of metaphorical ‘re-birth’ and although I still have some really shit and difficult days, I have a new perspective and gratitude and for the first time in my life I’m going to do my best at believing in myself and my work on this blog. I’ve undergone a lot of changes and transformations and I feel like the re-creation of my blogging platform is going to be integral to me moving forward- even if it’s read by two people- I just love writing and creating. I’m one of those people who absolutely needs a creative outlet to feel human, alive and connected- so, here’s to letting my pile of good things grow…